Friday 25 July 2014

Fitting the blue prints of right and wrong we have to hide parts of our selves that do not comply with the ideals. Society is constructed on this pattern. Was total freedom, then, a realistic goal?  It was person after person , enamored by what was visible to eye albeit temporarily for what lied within me was too strong to be overlooked, it demanded to be recognized, to be agreed with , to be  owned. Affection could not be faked for long (and I don't intend to be rude like that) but yes i am guilty of ripping off what did not appeal to the heart of mine , like a bandage that just tended to the eternal wound of loneliness, just as those people were guilty of claiming my companionship without accepting the whole of me.
 Everybody 'deserves' to be accepted fully.  And there's no such thing as 'deserving' in the unfair world because the thought of 'deserving' is always followed by question of 'why?'. People are told to move on from sore relationships in the hope that they deserve better ( and by that i do not discourage walking away from toxicitiy of that kind) but Isn't there an inherent, vulnerable person inside all of us that smirks its mythical smirk and hammers at your brain with 'really?' My reason of walking out of a situation like this would never be the search of a better mythical person I deserve but instead it will be out of my commitment to be absolutely honest with myself and to not stay where i belong not.
I would then rephrase my earlier assertion as  'Everybody must seek to be accepted fully'. And why must? Because belonging. is . beautiful. And that comes with full acceptance. Full reflection.
It is so beautiful and wholesom that it might even be the purpose of your life.

Deserving really has no truth until the one who reciprocates, not just your feelings but the whole you, with startling intensity comes along and gifts you with the authority to say ''i deserve you''' and becomes the deliverer of the justice you didn't have any reason to hope for.  The 'why' 
this time is easily answered by 'Because you are not a myth. Because we are made for each other. Because we know we don't need to be asking this question''.
 The absolute, beautiful truth that can not be contaminated, the promise that can not be violated, the faith untarnished by blasphemy.

Rest are all, compromises we romanticize as love.


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