I need to rest.

It was 7.30 am. 30 minutes till the first lecture, and i was in bed . Or rather, mattress would be more appropriate. 15 minutes to get ready, and 15 minutes drive , If i got up now I would just be in time. Had it been an ordinary day I would have succeeded in getting myself out of bed but today i was feeling so low that just the thought of making that dreaded last-minute entry inside the classroom was enough to demoralize me severely. Fixing the AC on its lowest temperature I crawled under the quilt which pressed my body, soothing me down to a deep sleep of contentment.

Later in day when i woke up I logged in to facebook as first instinct and then logged back out without checking any notifications. I felt so different all of a sudden and annoyed about how i had made facebook a daily ritual . I had this need to space myself from this complex world of social networking where i was getting into arguments every day, seeing people update every detail of their life from what they had for dinner to what they got on their birthday, interacting with some new people my mind and heart approved of in unison. This was all too much, my mind was so scattered i needed to put it back together . I logged out and deactivated my account.
In less than a minute I had conquered a very big weakness but that point is yet to come where the strength develops.. and when I stop feeling the need to defend my views everywhere. You know, the point when i actually act on the realization that if i know better and if i believe in my battle, I have to choose a different battlefield for myself .

No one listens here. No one cares here.

In the after noon i closed the windows and shut the blinds until not a single ray of light could make to my bed. I lay there in the dark, in the chilled air, trying to feel my heart, the old exercise of reconnecting with myself.  It was there under my hand, beating like the wings of a caged sparrow and what was it if not that? The peace of the surroundings had its way of seeping into me through my skin, i felt slightly rejuvenated. It had been a long time when finally i looked away from the luminous stars on the ceiling and slept against the fur of my favorite teddy bear.

In the night time, i played with my little niece and had so much fun just because she is so genuine and pure. She laughs when she is happy and cries when sad, there are no notes to read between these two behaviors. You can easily choose how to interact with her. Choices with grown ups are not always so easy. I think that's the reason i don't talk as much as i type.

I was listening to this random John Mayer song in bedtime.
It goes like:

''I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"" 
I liked it. I would like to believe it.