Hiralious

I am feeling so weak, I am gonna have to fall down. And just clear my way because It isn't going to be in your arms. I can't have you see me like this withering, breaking person. I cannot have you see me as everything the opposite of how you have loved me. I want you to go away because it is my pain.  I don't want to hear that you understand my collapse if you cannot help me rise. And I don't want the temporary comfort of your touch for the one last time. I want you to go away and leave me safe in the knowledge that this feeling is mine, that it is beyond you to understand. So that I don't feel little, so that everything I have felt for you doesn't feel like a matter understood and chapter closed! . I feel like I am stuck in an abyss. But if you try to comfort me, your empathy will only trivialize my feelings. It will make end seem possible. And i still live in the world where we thought what we had was forever,  so you don't get to play on both sides of the game telling me how what was the biggest truth of your life not a truth anymore.  If I cannot have you now, I don't want to have you guessing here, standing shaky with your eyes vacant, your tongue slipping on its way to find the right words. There are no right words left for you to say if I am not the right one for you. Leave me with my pride if you have to leave me at all.