Many times, when you feel hurt by a person over and over, you begin to imagine that it will be so much better for you if you have no expectations. There is nothing else that seems to be in your control anyway. You may even assume the personage of a brooding and humbled being with no expectations for a couple of days, and you may even declare it to the person, but I don't think you really believe what you are doing yourself. In all of your actions, in your silence, in your apparent indifference, there is hidden a cry to be recognised. Even if you say that you have accepted your fate, there is a sweet pain in your heart which stays. Your gaze may linger on them a bit too long when they are not looking, and if they make retributions for their behavior, you will dissolve into a bag of hot tears and everything will be okay again. You will still prefer that the person makes up to you instead of really forfeiting all expectations from that person. This scenario is the happy ending you imagine for your situation, even if you say otherwise.
If they never apologize or come around, you will keep strugfling. The path of your grief is so uniquely yours, that each person has to walk it for himself and figure it out. There can be books and guiding posts, but the map of the experience is yours to navigate. You will fight against the seemingly insurmountable odds of love and attachment.
The thing about truly not expecting anything is that, you don't even feel the soft pain in your heart, that underlying expectation that somebody will prove it to you beyond your assertions, that they care. It doesn't matter anymore. There is no happy ending in your mind because now this subject is as irrelevant to you, as the face of a stranger in a crowd. You don't feel that sense of victory about overcoming pain that you once imagined you would. It just doesn't matter to you anymore. You have been restored back in your shell. You have no expectations. Truly. Really. Completely.
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