Hiralious

Interrupting the flow of an ordinary day, the wellness advocates distributed self-help material among the doctors. I felt that people were at best, nonchalant, and at worst, suspicious of any self-help material being shared with them. I realized that many people look at the self-help industry with derision and disrespect. I agree with the criticism this disrespect stems from, I just don’t think it’s the entire picture. I will present my internal dialogue about it:

…………………………………………………………………..

 First, something about someone telling you how to live your life, with their own accomplishment being solely the book that they sold to you about how to live your life, is very fake. It sounds like such a lucky chance and nothing merit-based in the first place.

But not all motivational speakers have made their life out of such a thing. There are charlatans here like in every other trade, it doesn’t mean you can’t find valuable gems of truth therein. You can find many people who excelled in their life sharing valuable insight on how you could do that too.  Also, a blanket criticism of something is almost always a bad idea.

……………………………………………………………………

Second, all these companies are pushing these messages on you to ‘pamper yourself’.  Why? ‘Because you deserve it’.  It’s very opportunistic. They are grabbing the opportunity to make money off of you under the name of self-help and self-care. It’s just true.

It’s true that when a company sells you a product, it is doing that to make profit, and not to pamper you.  But they are not taking your money for nothing. It’s a classic ‘give and take’ trade, based on your own desire for the object they are offering. What you can do to fight it is, examine the value of happiness you get by acquiring their product in your life and if you don’t find it worthwhile, apply corrective actions. 

It doesn’t absolve the companies of having a disproportionately profit-centric approach and there is a place for this discussion where it must be had, but in your personal life, you can only change what you can.

……………………………………………………………………….

Third, it has arisen in many minds, and I must confess that this thought is not foreign to my own heart , that something about the fact that a therapist is a person paid to care about you, feels very worthless and mechanical. We want something more organic and real that motivates us for growth.

Actually, only the first part of this statement is true. A therapist is paid, but not to ‘care’.  A therapist is a person paid to analyze your thought process and emotional life with a degree of objectivity you yourself, and people connected to you wouldn’t be capable of. Their value in your life must be judged on how well they do it, how introspective they make you, or the self growth they make possible.

……………………………………………………………………..

Fourth, even if we were to believe all those success stories of people who made it, what does the motivational speaker have to say about the graveyard of broken dreams of all the people who worked just as hard and consistently as the few ones who made it?

The fact that there is a graveyard of broken dreams and yes there is one there, shouldn’t discourage you from trying. Why? Because there are two parts to achieving a dream, the journey and the destination. if you have lived a journey with passion and authenticity, it’s itself satisfactory, such has been my experience and so I have been told. If, however you disagree with me and the outcome of your efforts does matter a great deal to you, you can choose safer, more viable options instead of those risky dreams. You must have no shame in giving up a dream anymore than you should have in pursuing it. It’s your life, and your own quality of experience. What’s important is to pick a choice and not stay in the limbo of desiring one thing and doing another.

……………………………………………………………………………..

Fifth, some people duly note that at this point of collapse of family system, we should be taught more about caring for others, instead of focusing on ourselves. 

Caring for others and caring for yourself doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive at all! In fact, the most secure form of love you can offer people is when you love yourself in the first place.

……………………………………………………………………………

Sixth point, and the conversation takes a philosophical turn here, what even is the point of doing all this and putting up so much struggle? 

 Nobody is qualified to answer this question on behalf of someone else. You may find validation or answers that resonate with you in different philosophical schools of thought or belief systems. My personal idea about it is that If you have to do a thing, why not do it beautifully? And if you have to live a life, why not do it wonderfully? Looking for happiness or meaning, is a matter of choice. 

…………………………………………………………………………

In the foreground of this dialogue already existing in my mind, when I filled out the self-help questionnaire with a commitment to truth I try to uphold in the surveys, I felt very sad about the results. Because it made the need for some self-care very evident.

 Indeed all of this is real. My weaknesses are real. My unresolved pain is real. And it’s visceral, and it’s raw, and If I suppress it, it still raises its head like a stubborn mole in the game of whack-a-mole. 

When I move away from my story, I am able to see that it’s not as much my desires as my pain and fears that write my story. And the bottom-line of this write-up is that, you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the pain and discomfort you feel in your life.  There is a lot of fake self help and all those things out there that you are right to hold disrespect for, but there is a lot of real one which is needed in your life. 

The need for feeling is there.

The need for healing is there.

 It’s not an act of being strong or brave or being anything. It’s an act of being truthful to yourself. And no person in the history of world can escape this journey unless they are masterful in the art of telling lies to themselves. ( But they feel it)

 I shall do my bit.