Hiralious

Today is my first day of work after so many days. I am already dreading it. But while I was climbing down the subway stairs, a thought occurred to me.

I think I allow myself to be sad because I think someone somewhere gives a damn. We always do it around people from whom we expect things.

But why must i do that at job?

With these people, I literally signed a contract that I would do certain things and I would get certain benefits. Catering for my emotional needs was not a part of their deal and still they have been more accommodating than they would be if they were robots. Internal Medicine residency is a highly competitive business. It is cutthroat as people compete which each other for fellowships and more coveted ranking in their own program. Just because I am not a part of this race doesn't mean that the environment largely ISN'T like that and I am more of an exception than the rule. I cannot expect there to be a change in dynamics of a whole profession to suit my emotional needs and stamina at any given period of my life. I mean, these people are literally dealing with human lives. Some edge, some pressure WILL always have to be there.

 This thought puts me to ease because I will go there today with no expectations. I will tune out from everything and give the performance which is to the best of my abilities. I will also squeeze some time out for studying.

One step at a time, Hira.

"There is a manhattan bound express 5 train to flatbush avenue, Brooklyn *something* approaching the station. Please stand away from the platform edge"

Here I go.