Reigns

Demonstrating my power over him was like flexing a muscle. It felt natural when necessary. Specially at times like these , when he was telling me that he had finally moved on and found love in his life. I , who never wanted him, who rejected his love without ever acknowledging it,  needed to contest his new found happiness. I abhorred my self as I assumed the curt behavior with him, which I knew wouldn't pass unnoticed by him. Which I knew would make him dance upon his toes  as it always did . I knew I had that power.
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After all these years, still? I can't believe she expects me to explain anything to her. As if there ever was anything between us except one sided infatuation. As if she didn't make light of my feelings for her by pretending I had never spoken of them. All we ever had afterwards was one random message now and then, casually inquiring about life , or a matter of her interest. And she still feels she can tie me to her passive aggressive tactics ? How cunning of her. But also how very right. I will be played because I cannot see her upset. I cannot see her sad. She might use it to her benefit but the dimming of the twinkle in her eyes feels like a personal affront to me. And if it's selfish on her part. What is not ?

The parents who raise us and expect us to abandon our dreams and lay them under their feet so that we can be together. Is it not selfish ?
The friends who feel secretly jealous of our successes when they are competing at the same level , is it not contamination of our imagined bond ?
The spouse who feels insecure because the significant other is popular or wanted , is this not jealousy ?
  The girl I am going to marry , devoting her life to me because her parents decided that , does it not make me so replaceable  ? It could have been anyone.

   When we love someone, we give them the reigns. How they use them is upto them. What usually appears selfless is not selfless at all. We are being motivated, manipulated, incited at all times.
    In this counterfeit world, it doesn't appear that insensible to make her smile.
Before the other woman holds my reigns.