Hiralious

I have spent a life time of heightened self awareness to the degree that I have a third person view of many of the experiences reaching far back into childhood. I don't forget who I am , with anyone. I know the "flaws"of my physical appearance verbatim , I know the limitations of my mind and the negative thoughts which plague it. I know the hurricane of ideas and the sea of uncertainty I feel myself surrounded by. Yet self awareness does nothing without action. It doesn't serve any purpose for my personal gain , instead I just feel I have been looking in a mirror for all my life, comfortable only with my own reflection in it. Even though I have ventured. I would be the first one to sky dive , I would consider hanging upside down from a ride a thrill , I would rise out of the sun roof of the car and soak up the sunshine , I would participate in an argument , I would run breathlessly and chase any adventure that I can touch. I want to see it all. I want to have it all (I think this is the thought , the mindset that has captured you , me or anyone who thinks happiness is in tomorrow.)
What do I do with one gift that I have, I like reliving moments more than I like living them. I like the faded ink of memories when they are just mine to pore over. When the subtext of people's emotions are not as strong a quotation as they were in real time. Moments happen , memories are permanent. And that's what I do. I make thoughts , ideas and emotions permanent in my alone time, which is basically all of my time.