Hiralious

Ammi says if you sleep alone in fever you get nightmares.I don't know why this scientific knowledge of mothers is always so accurate for their children. Whole night people visited my dream. People whose memories my brain had tried to repress. So many people just had this small show time in my sleeping eye today. They came and went and whole night was such a challenging emotional experience . I felt all the feelings I don't usually let myself feel. All the crippling emotions for my spirit, that would not let me get out of bed if i let them. Fear, rejection, betrayal, hurt, disbelief & intense heartbreak. My subconscious mind was the king here. I woke up with the sound of Azan, earlier than i was supposed to ; shakier than I have been in a long long while. But Above all those things, above all my feelings and my frantically beating heart, above all the repressed memories I had re-visited tonight, i knew the prime source of my discomfort. For tonight I knew the feeling when no hand came to feel my forehead for fever again and again, no voice worrying incessantly, no love to react to. Going beyond my own doubt and hesitations, I knew just one thing I had to pray for, if i had to pray at all. Ammi, Abbu. For my own selfish reasons of holding onto permanent and unconditional love and care.