Hiralious

 

  One of the most dominant insecurities I remember from my teen years is about the asymmetry of my face. I remember being extremely camera-shy, to the point that I am missing from so many family photos of that time. This insecurity was reinforced by comments of people, even dearest to me, about my appearance, that stopped me dead in the process of consuming more chips, or enjoying a meal. The comments were mostly about my weight.  I developed this love-hate relationship with food and an extreme awkwardness regarding the asymmetry of my face.

   I read that the me I looked at in the mirror wasn't the true representation of me, but the me which was captured in the camera was more likely to be what I looked like to the world. Another way to figure out how you appear to the world, was to hold a mirror at right angle to the main mirror, and look at your reflection in the mirror in your hand. I read so much about it and scoured the many online resources available at that time like Yahoo questions, and forum discussions. These desperate attempts to figure out, how I looked to the rest of the world, now seems symbolic of so much more.

   All of my sisters were quite beautiful, with large brown eyes and good features. So many times, I was made to feel little in front of them by relatives who otherwise claimed to love me, they would comment quizzically ' this one, I don't know whom she takes after.''

   I was a late bloomer and my features reached a nice maturity at a much later age than people my age, to the point that now people compliment on my good looks! This turn of table mildly fascinates me. My face still retains its facial asymmetry but dare I say, it has lessened in appearance and other features may dominate this observation. Now when I share my past insecurity with someone, they feel it's so out of place. How can I explain it to people that during a good part of my teen years, I lived in this mental hell which was as real to me as anything else, like my closest relationships at that time.