So much of mess happened over time, i cared and hurt until i stopped caring and hurting. The dark clouds of depression tore out to reveal the positive, new me. I learnt to be strong when i overcame my weaknesses, it was a gradual metamorphosis. I did not just wake up one day and got strong.
It happened over time.
It happened day by day, it was different from before. It was different from the time I (unintentionally) faked being strong, this time it was real and i knew a strength inside me that i had never sincerely found myself capable of. The first step was the realization that the people had the power to hurt me and I had been giving them that. It was not the rebound-realization you get for some moments after a heartbreak and forget about, this realization stayed with me like a constant reminder of what was wrong. It stayed with me initially as a hurtful thought at the back of my mind. Then over the days, and slowly, it shifted to that part of my consciousness which was just logical, which didn't hurt me. In short, the rational and logical part of me that i tended to lose when i got involved with someone emotionally started to help me rise from the ashes of an emotional disaster.
The day it happened, everything started changing. For the first time in my life, i started to realize who i am? Like in this whole big world , surrounded by a crowd of people, what is MY real identity if i am only adapting to the circumstances? Although i had always thought i had to find my own way, now i KNEW it. I did not mistrust people, but i started to trust myself more now.
After initial resentment (which was short-lived) I came to have a heart which was free of any grudges against everyone who had ever hurt me. I started taking time to construct my own personality, bit by bit. I started to pay attention to the points i was weak at. I figured that I had been very dependent on my close circle for my everyday needs. The excuses i had been giving myself all my life were that people who love you accept you for who you are. It was not true anymore. An internally weak person is a weak person no matter how you look at it! No one is going to appreciate it, really. You have to help yourself, this is the way it is supposed to be.
I had weaknesses to work on and limitations to consider. But i started to push myself harder towards the targets i had set up for myself. I failed sometimes but that need, the urge to do it did not go away, it stayed. Loving and trusting myself was a whole new experience! It paid off! Soon enough I found myself doing the things I had not found myself capable of.I realized I had a load of untapped potential I had never really been aware of. It was so much fun.
Along the way, all this while, i did not turn narcissistic, Positivism ruled my life, my heart was full of love and care as before, but this time I was more mindful about making the right choices. I was genuinely polite to everyone and understanding of their behavior . I avoided gossip and believed in the good side of people. As i helped myself and emerged from pain, i started to want to actually go out there and help the people who needed it. I did not want to complain anymore. Things started coming into my hands as i started to take charge of my life.
I assure you , today, it is one of the best feelings in the world. A feeling you may have to pay a very big price for but self-discovery has to be made. Maybe you have spent so much time doing nothing that now you think of it as your fate, a definite undeniable truth, but that's not true. Instead of looking for a support system, when you conquer your fears and weaknesses, when you learn to stand tall and independent you'll realize you can become a support system for others.You understand yourself only when you've been broken from whole into pieces. What matters the most is that you take that one, dreaded and seemingly impossible step of putting together the pieces. It depletes you of your strength initially, it hollows you out but only to fill you with more wisdom, and clearer understanding of yourself and the world. With that strength, you will always stay mindful of the things you should never do, what your support systems did to you. Do you see it? You're making a difference in the world already.
You need to undertake this journey if you have been feeling sad for too long for no apparent reason or if you are letting the circumstances other people create for you affect you in a negative way, this is the time to stand up and take charge of your life.
Like I did. and it feels ... RIGHT.
It happened over time.
It happened day by day, it was different from before. It was different from the time I (unintentionally) faked being strong, this time it was real and i knew a strength inside me that i had never sincerely found myself capable of. The first step was the realization that the people had the power to hurt me and I had been giving them that. It was not the rebound-realization you get for some moments after a heartbreak and forget about, this realization stayed with me like a constant reminder of what was wrong. It stayed with me initially as a hurtful thought at the back of my mind. Then over the days, and slowly, it shifted to that part of my consciousness which was just logical, which didn't hurt me. In short, the rational and logical part of me that i tended to lose when i got involved with someone emotionally started to help me rise from the ashes of an emotional disaster.
The day it happened, everything started changing. For the first time in my life, i started to realize who i am? Like in this whole big world , surrounded by a crowd of people, what is MY real identity if i am only adapting to the circumstances? Although i had always thought i had to find my own way, now i KNEW it. I did not mistrust people, but i started to trust myself more now.
After initial resentment (which was short-lived) I came to have a heart which was free of any grudges against everyone who had ever hurt me. I started taking time to construct my own personality, bit by bit. I started to pay attention to the points i was weak at. I figured that I had been very dependent on my close circle for my everyday needs. The excuses i had been giving myself all my life were that people who love you accept you for who you are. It was not true anymore. An internally weak person is a weak person no matter how you look at it! No one is going to appreciate it, really. You have to help yourself, this is the way it is supposed to be.
I had weaknesses to work on and limitations to consider. But i started to push myself harder towards the targets i had set up for myself. I failed sometimes but that need, the urge to do it did not go away, it stayed. Loving and trusting myself was a whole new experience! It paid off! Soon enough I found myself doing the things I had not found myself capable of.I realized I had a load of untapped potential I had never really been aware of. It was so much fun.
Along the way, all this while, i did not turn narcissistic, Positivism ruled my life, my heart was full of love and care as before, but this time I was more mindful about making the right choices. I was genuinely polite to everyone and understanding of their behavior . I avoided gossip and believed in the good side of people. As i helped myself and emerged from pain, i started to want to actually go out there and help the people who needed it. I did not want to complain anymore. Things started coming into my hands as i started to take charge of my life.
I assure you , today, it is one of the best feelings in the world. A feeling you may have to pay a very big price for but self-discovery has to be made. Maybe you have spent so much time doing nothing that now you think of it as your fate, a definite undeniable truth, but that's not true. Instead of looking for a support system, when you conquer your fears and weaknesses, when you learn to stand tall and independent you'll realize you can become a support system for others.You understand yourself only when you've been broken from whole into pieces. What matters the most is that you take that one, dreaded and seemingly impossible step of putting together the pieces. It depletes you of your strength initially, it hollows you out but only to fill you with more wisdom, and clearer understanding of yourself and the world. With that strength, you will always stay mindful of the things you should never do, what your support systems did to you. Do you see it? You're making a difference in the world already.
You need to undertake this journey if you have been feeling sad for too long for no apparent reason or if you are letting the circumstances other people create for you affect you in a negative way, this is the time to stand up and take charge of your life.
Like I did. and it feels ... RIGHT.
really i enjoyed reading it....it inspired me ...God bless you :)
ReplyDeleteThankyou Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteGood to read.. infact its spot on :)
ReplyDeleteThankyou
Deleteinspirational ! great :)
ReplyDeleteThanks
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